


Operation: Become Pirates

by alchemicink



Category: Arashi (Band), Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band), Kanjani8 (Band), KinKi Kids, Kis-My-Ft2 (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, BEWARE THE CRACK-EN, Crack Fic, Donuts, Fic Exchange, Gen, Humor, Murray the Parrot, Pirates, feathery hats, nobody listens to Yamada, vaguely satire-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-28 02:03:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2714915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alchemicink/pseuds/alchemicink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The crew of the <em>HMS JUMP</em> tries to show everyone they’ve grown up and become mature adults by, of course, going through a rebellious phase. Or, more specifically, they drop out of the Royal Navy to become pirates and plunder every bakery in the Caribbean.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Written for JE Otherworlds</p>
            </blockquote>





	Operation: Become Pirates

**Author's Note:**

> Written for JE Otherworlds with the prompt: "Yo-ho, yo-ho a pirate crew's life, yo-ho. Throw in a marine officer trying to hunt them down if you feel like it." I love pirates, so thank you to whoever suggested this prompt! My take on it was inspired by a ton of HSJ interviews where they liked to remind people that they're all adults now.
> 
> Warnings: BEWARE THE CRACK-EN! Also: probable anachronisms, random allusions, a dumb running joke that’s literally about running, and from my beta: “Yuto is an asshole to vegetables”  
> Notes: It might be important to note that “panya” is Japanese for bakery. (I like puns) 
> 
> Thanks, as always, to CoffeesaurusRex for beta-reading!

Captain Yabu Kota of the _HMS JUMP_ had gathered his entire crew together for a very important meeting. He watched the eight of them as they came in and fought over seats in his cramped captain’s quarters. His first mate, Hikaru, had avoided the fuss by picking an open spot against the wall and leaning up against it. He was giving Yabu an unsettling stare as he tried to figure out why he’d called the meeting. 

Over in the corner, Takaki and Keito were battling it out over who was going to claim the room’s only comfy chair. The two of them were their ship’s helmsman and navigator, and while they were very good at steering the ship in the right direction, they tended to be completely oblivious when it came to noticing what was going on _inside_ the ship. While they argued over who should get the chair, Inoo, the ship’s carpenter, slipped by them both and took it. He looked smug about his victory until Chinen sat down right in Inoo’s lap. 

“You’re too old for this,” Inoo complained and tried to push the younger boy off. Chinen was the one in charge of the cannons on the ship, but the crew really never had orders to use them. This meant that Chinen had a lot of free time to smooth-talk everybody into doing stuff for him. Yabu watched, and sure enough, after a few moments, Inoo gave up and let Chinen stay. 

There was a bit of noise coming from somewhere to Yabu’s left, and he turned his attention over there to see what the problem was. Not surprisingly, Yuto, their tallest crewmember, had somehow managed to wedge himself in the small space between the wall and his desk. He was assuring a concerned-looking Keito that he was perfectly okay even though something sharp was apparently poking into his spleen and he couldn’t feel his left foot anymore. Yuto was the ship’s lookout but that didn’t mean he was always very good at actually _looking out_. At first, he used to sit up in the ship’s crow’s nest, but after several incidents where he’d somehow accidentally managed to attract a flock of real crows to swarm their ship, Yabu had just given him a telescope and made him stand at the bow of the ship. So far, he’d only fallen over the edge twice. 

His last two crew members, Yamada and Daiki, had thankfully not made much of a commotion at all. They were sitting side by side, chatting about food and completely ignoring the rest of the room. Yamada was the ship’s cook and he was explaining to Daiki the meal he’d planned out for the crew later. He asked Daiki if he would be free to help him chop up the vegetables, to which Daiki said yes. 

Yabu blinked as he tried to remember whether Daiki had work to do later or not. The more he thought about it, Yabu realized that he couldn’t remember what Daiki actually _did_ on their ship. 

He was about to ask when he noticed that Hikaru was now tapping his foot impatiently and giving him a glare. 

Yabu cleared his throat for attention. “So everyone, I’ve gathered you all together for an important announcement,” he said. “But first, how about that weather? It’s been pretty nice lately. And has anyone else noticed the price of coconuts has skyrocketed lately?” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hikaru’s eye twitch as Hikaru gave him some not-so-subtle hand motions to get to the point. 

Yabu took a deep breath and finally just blurted it all out. “I think we should quit the Royal Navy.”

“You want us to _what_?!” Daiki exclaimed. He glanced in confusion at his fellow crewmates, all wearing the same perplexed looks on their faces, before he looked back at Yabu. They were actually taking this a lot better than he expected.

“I think we should quit the Royal Navy,” Yabu repeated. He crossed his arms to emphasize his seriousness and nodded his head. “It’s exactly what we need to do.” 

Inoo was the first to break the confused silence hanging over the room. He leaned around Chinen to speak. “But we’ve been marine officers for years. Why would we do that?”

“Not to mention all those years of training we went through before we got our own ship,” Yamada added. “All those decks we had to scrub. And sails we had to patch up. I have calluses.” He held up his hands and pointed to the rough skin.

Yuto, still trapped in the corner, laughed as he fondly remembered the good old days. “Oh, and remember that time Captain Higashiyama marooned Chinen on that deserted island!” 

“How _did_ you get off that island anyway?” Takaki asked. 

Chinen said nothing but just grinned in a way that said he’d never reveal his secret. 

“So why would we quit?” Hikaru asked, bringing them back to the original topic. Yabu still hadn’t explained his idea.

“We’re all adults now,” Yabu answered. “But everyone seems to forget that. The Navy never gives us important orders. So I thought about it and came to the decision that we need to show everyone that we can make mature, adult decisions about our own lives. That’ll prove that we aren’t teenagers anymore.”

“I can sort of see your logic there,” Chinen said with his head tilted to the side. “But what sort of mature, adult decisions are we making by quitting the Navy?”

“We’re going to become pirates, of course!” Yabu said, looking smug. 

“Now your plan makes no sense,” Hikaru muttered.

“That sounds awesome!” Yuto shouted. His raised his only free arm up in excitement and knocked a painting off the wall in the process. Yabu glared at him. 

“You mean…” Keito began tentatively, “we should become the very thing we swore to protect the seas from? Just so everyone will take us seriously?” 

“Yep,” Yabu said with a grin. It sounded like they understood his idea.

“Well I’m all for it if you promise I can get a pet parrot,” Yamada said. 

“Of course you can,” Yabu said. 

“Then we all agree?” Hikaru asked. He looked around the room and no one had any complaints. They couldn’t deny that becoming pirates had a sort of fun rebellious appeal to it. In any case, it would certainly be more exciting than sailing around with nothing much to do. 

Now that they had decided, the group seemed much more enthusiastic about the idea and began discussing plans for what they could do, until Keito hesitantly raised his hand for everyone’s attention. 

“Yes, Keito?” 

“I have a question. If we’re all in here talking about pirates, then who’s steering the ship?” 

Yabu felt his face go pale as he realized the implications of the question. 

“Whoops,” Takaki said, running out of the room.

***

The group was eager to get their plan in motion, and it wasn’t long before they had docked at the nearest port and embarked on the first part of their mission. But as they walked up to clothing store with the words _Kinki Kostumes_ scrawled in fancy letters on the sign over the door, Takaki Yuya thought that perhaps Yabu hadn’t exactly thought the whole pirate thing through.

They had decided earlier that the second step in what Hikaru had dubbed Operation: Become Pirates was to buy pirate clothes so they could look the part. (The first step had been figuring out what to rename their ship. But they hadn’t been able to come to a decision about that so they skipped it and went on to step two.) 

“Are you sure this place is legit?” Yamada whispered as the group walked in. 

“Smells kinda musty in here,” Daiki said, before promptly sneezing. 

The room was crowded with rows and rows of clothing racks full of every sort of costume in every size and color imaginable. Takaki looked at a few of the nearest costumes, cringing at a pair of leather chaps with sparkly fringe, and decided that Yabu _definitely_ had not thought his plan through. He was pretty sure this was one of those costume shops for people who had a weird fetish for dressing up. 

There were two people behind the shop counter. One looked exceedingly bored and the other was asleep with his feet propped up by the cash register.

Yabu stepped up to the counter. “We’re looking for pirate clothes, Mister… uh…”

“Koichi,” the awake man answered. “Over there.” He pointed to a long clothing rack near the wall. Takaki was mildly concerned that there was a whole section dedicated to pirate clothing. He was even more concerned about how skimpy all the clothes were. Real pirates didn’t wear shorts that short, did they?

“I want an eyepatch,” Yuto said, already digging fearlessly through the box of accessories at the end of the rack. 

“You won’t have any depth perception with an eyepatch,” Chinen warned him, but Yuto ignored the advice. He grinned as he pulled out one with a skull and crossbones design bedazzled on the dark fabric.

“Is this for a party?” Koichi asked. He shot a stern look at Keito after he bumped into a rack and it wobbled precariously. 

“No,” Takaki answered quickly. To his left, Yamada was handing a gleeful Chinen an assortment of corsets fit for a tavern wench for some unexplained reason. He didn’t think he wanted to know what that was about. “We want to dress like real, legit pirates.”

“Oh!” Koichi grinned. “Well, in that case, you want to look at the stuff in the back.” He poked the sleeping guy to wake him up. “Tsuyoshi, show them the pirate collection.” 

They followed Tsuyoshi, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there, and Takaki breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the back room was filled with decent-looking jackets and pants, nice shirts with respectable ruffles, and cool hats with feathers for no apparent reason. They could work with this. 

“For extra, we can also sell you these swords,” Tsuyoshi said. He waved lazily towards a barrel containing real swords. Hikaru grinned and picked up three for himself. Yuto, of course, narrowly avoided slicing off one of his toes as he dropped the one he’d picked out. 

“I’ll take that,” Takaki said, volunteering to hold the sword for Yuto. “We like you better with all your toes.”

“Yeah, and you may lose more toes if Yamada tries to fix you,” Daiki said while he tried on his fifth feathery hat. 

Along with being their cook, Yamada was also the closest thing they had to a ship’s doctor. And he was only in that position because blood made Yabu queasy, Keito always panicked, and Inoo’s idea of treating an illness always involved some weird home remedy that usually made people sicker. Their options had been limited.

“So you boys are gonna become pirates then?” Koichi asked to make some small talk. He was mostly busy glaring at Keito because he kept accidentally knocking clothes off their hangers. “Aren’t you a little young for that?”

“We’re adults now and we make our own decisions,” Yabu insisted.

Tsuyoshi shrugged and added, “You guys can do whatever you want, but try to steer clear of the Kraken Hunters out at sea. Those guys are crazy.” 

“Kraken Hunters?” Chinen asked.

“Oh yeah, those crazy guys,” Koichi agreed. “Best to avoid them altogether.” 

Takaki wondered who they were talking about. They’d never run into anything like the mythical Kraken or people who supposedly hunted the creature while they were sailing out in the ocean. But then, of course, their ship tended to stay close to a port most of the time anyway.

“Well thanks for all your help,” Yabu said with a smile. They’d finally picked out everything they wanted. He handed a card to Koichi. “You can charge everything to the Royal Navy.” 

And then the nine of them dashed out the front door before anyone could protest. 

***

Because the crew was sort of confused about what to do after they had proper clothes, Inoo Kei suggested that the next step in Operation: Become Pirates was to seek some advice from actual, real pirates. Of course, the most fearsome pirates of the seas were quite terrifying and difficult to track down, so they had to settle for the next best thing. 

“Land ho!” Yuto shouted as he pointed out the impossible-to-miss island they were sailing straight for. He waved his telescope excitedly and kept pointing. “Land ho!” As he leaned dangerously over the edge of the ship’s railing, Inoo grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back.

“Yes, we all can see it,” Inoo said. 

The island in question was home to a small, lively band of pirates known as KAT-TUN. They were known all over the seven seas for their excellent parties, slightly uncoordinated dancing, and that one time they broke out of prison by literally just punching a hole through the wall. (Although Inoo didn’t quite believe that last bit.)

“Take us in nice and steady,” Yabu commanded Takaki, who was steering the ship as close to shore as possible while trying to avoid the dangerous rocks in the water. 

Daiki leaned over the edge to get a better view to help direct Takaki around the rocks. “You’re good, you’re good,” he said, waving his arm to indicate going forward.

There was a loud scraping sound and everyone struggled to maintain their balance as the ship pitched to one side. A few barrels on deck tipped over and Yamada scrambled to get out the way as they rolled past.

“Oh sorry,” Daiki said. “You’re not good. There was a rock there.” 

Yabu glared at Daiki and pulled him away from his post. “You go… do whatever you normally do,” he said. 

Inoo himself leaned over the edge to observe the damage to the ship. It wasn’t too bad, but the hull might need some patching up. That was supposed to be his job but he wanted go meet KAT-TUN instead. He was the one who suggested getting advice from them after all. “I’m not fixing that,” he said, throwing his hands in the air. 

“But you’re the carpenter,” Hikaru pointed out. 

“Keito can do it. Let’s go meet some pirates!” Inoo said and shoved a hammer into the unsuspecting boy’s hand. Keito looked startled. 

The whole crew crowded into one of the tiny boats used to go ashore, leaving Keito behind, still holding the hammer in his hand. 

“Assholes,” Keito called out to them as they rowed quickly towards the shore.

Surprisingly, they discovered when they made it to the island that KAT-TUN was quite friendly for a band of pirates. There was a nice banner hanging between two coconut trees that read _Welcome to our island! Love KAT-TUN, the Queen of Pirates._

“The Queen of Pirates?” Hikaru read out loud.

“King of Pirates was already taken,” a voice said from behind them. They turned around to see one of KAT-TUN’s crewmembers, Kamenashi Kazuya. “Some guy named Luffy already patented the name, and we were gonna sue him for it, but we got kicked out of the patent office when Junno accidentally broke a window.” Kame sighed. “Such is life. What brings you to our humble island?” 

“We wanted to learn more about how to be pirates,” Inoo explained. 

“Ah, I see,” Kame said. “Then you want to talk to Yucchi. Come with me.” 

They followed Kame to a sweet treehouse complex in the middle of the island. He introduced them to the rest of the crew: Ueda Tatsuya, Nakamaru Yuichi, and Taguchi Junnosuke (who had cartwheeled onto the scene shouting some pun involving his name and entrances. Hikaru had chuckled.)

Nakamaru’s eyes lit up as soon as Kame explained that the crew was there to learn more about pirating. He disappeared into the treehouse and returned a few minutes later carrying a heavy book. 

“I wrote this how-to manual. It should provide you with everything you need to know,” he explained. He handed it to Yamada, who grimaced at how heavy it was and promptly shoved it into Takaki’s hands instead. 

Takaki opened it up and they crowded around him to read over his shoulders as he skimmed the contents of the book. 

“Take care to wear shoes at all times to avoid splinters in your feet,” Hikaru read out loud.

“So these are more like guidelines right?” Daiki asked.

“No,” Nakamaru answered in his strictest tone. “They are rules. Very important rules.” 

“What about the pages with all the scribbles on them?” 

“What scribbles?” Nakamaru said and peered over at his book as well. He looked horrified as he saw his carefully crafted pirate rules marked through with the dumbest puns known to man. “Taguchiiiiiii!!!” he yelled.

Taguchi was, of course, currently engaged in a handstand contest with Chinen just for fun. Ueda was apparently supposed to be the referee but he was watching the contest with the bored look of one who has been forced to babysit children against his will. 

“Yes?” Taguchi answered. He was easily switching back and forth from one hand to another, looking giddy at the fact that he had a challenge for once. Chinen had gotten bored of standing still and was revolving around in a circle. 

“You ruined my how-to manual,” Nakamaru complained. 

“Ruined is a relative term,” Taguchi answered. “I like to call it modified improvements so people don’t fall asleep while reading it.” 

“Nobody falls asleep while reading it!”

“I did,” Ueda said quietly. 

“Sometimes I read it late at night when I can’t sleep,” Kame admitted too. 

“Perhaps it’s time for us to leave,” Inoo interrupted, suddenly feeling very nervous. They didn’t need to get caught up in another group’s arguments. “Thanks for all your advice. It’s certainly very helpful.” 

Without another word, the crew sprinted away to their boat, leaving KAT-TUN behind to discuss their disagreement amongst themselves. 

“We still have the pirate manual though right?” Yabu asked, gasping for breath as they stumbled over tree roots and past tree branches back to the shore. Yuto ran into a tree because he was still wearing his bedazzled eyepatch and had no depth perception.

“I’ve got it,” Takaki answered, from the back of the group since the massive book was weighing him down. 

“But it still feels like we’re forgetting something,” Daiki said. 

“No, we didn’t leave Chinen behind,” Yamada answered. He’d grabbed one of Chinen’s feet when they’d made their escape. Chinen was a bit miffed that he’d had to forfeit the handstand challenge. 

“Shit!” Hikaru gasped suddenly. “I think I forgot to drop the anchor when we left the ship.” 

***

Yaotome Hikaru was a fan of carefully constructed plans. Things just worked more smoothly and generally much better with schedule, plan, or even just a rough outline. So after the crew had thoroughly read through… or well, skimmed through Nakamaru’s pirate manual (“Hey look, there’s a warning about the Kraken Hunters in here too. Who _are_ those guys?”), they decided that it was finally time to carry out their first act of piracy. They spent a while arguing over what sort of treasure they should steal until Yabu declared that he was really hungry for donuts and Daiki remembered that there was a really good donut shop on a nearby island. 

“Who needs treasure when you can have donuts?” Yuto declared happily.

“I could have just made donuts for everyone,” Yamada muttered to himself. 

“Let’s go!” Yabu said. He climbed up on the ship’s railing and pointed dramatically towards the shore. The ship was already docked at the port so it wasn’t like Yabu was in much danger if he fell overboard. 

“We can’t leave yet,” Hikaru said. Anxiety was starting to set in. “I need to make a plan.” He held up the paper he’d been sketching floor plans on so that he could figure out the best way to break into the donut shop. 

“Let’s just wing it,” Inoo said. He strapped a sword to his belt and tried to look intimidating. “Knowing Hikaru, it’ll be next week before he finishes his invasion plans.” 

“And I’m really hungry,” Yabu reminded them all.

“If you’d told me earlier, I could have already finished making donuts by now,” Yamada grumbled and crossed his arms. No one was listening to him anyway. 

“Come on,” Takaki said, grabbing Hikaru by the collar. “You can finish your notes on the way.” 

“Alright,” Yabu declared as he jumped back down from the railing to the deck. “Our first pirate plundering party will consist of me, Hikaru, Takaki, Inoo, and… Daiki, what are you doing right now?”

“…Nothing?” Daiki answered with a raised eyebrow.

Yabu leaned over to Hikaru and whispered, “Is Daiki _supposed_ to be doing something right now?” 

Hikaru narrowed his eyes and looked suspiciously at Yabu. “You don’t even remember what Daiki does, do you?” Yabu silently avoiding the question was all the answer Hikaru needed. He rolled his eyes as Yabu grabbed Daiki and pulled him along with the rest of the group. 

“Be back later with the donut booty!” Yabu called out as they walked down the gangplank to the dock. 

“Yeah! Booty!” Takaki shouted and threw his hands in the air. “Ouch,” he winced as Inoo elbowed him sharply in the ribs. 

When the small group stepped onto the dock, Hikaru realized that they had an extra person. “Yamada, what are you doing?” 

Yamada sniffed and looked annoyed. “ _I’m_ going to go buy the pet parrot I was promised because no one appreciates my donut-cooking skills.” Without another word, he took off into town.

“What was that all about?” Yabu asked in confusion. 

Hikaru sighed.

“Never mind that,” Inoo said. “Let’s get going.” 

It wasn’t long before the building came into view. The name of the shop, Kis-My-Donuts, looked like it had been hastily painted onto the sign hanging above the door. Other than that, the store looked clean and neat from the outside, dozens of fresh donuts gleaming in the shop window. 

The group huddled together in the alleyway across the street to survey their target. Hikaru was already running through eight different possible scenarios for breaking in and stealing all the donuts. 

“Okay, guys,” Hikaru began. “We need to move with cat-like tread.”

“With _what?_ ” Takaki exclaimed loudly. Inoo elbowed him in the side again.

“He means we should be quiet,” Daiki explained. 

Takaki nodded with determination. “I can do that.” He rummaged around in his bag and pulled out something long and black. “Also, I brought this crowbar which might help too.” Unfortunately, it slipped out of his hands and landed right on top of Daiki’s foot. He swore loudly and Inoo clapped a hand over his mouth. 

“Oops,” Takaki said. 

“Alright,” Hikaru continued in a whisper. “We’ll move in a V formation with Yabu taking the lead. Yabu…?” He looked to his side but Yabu had disappeared. Turning around, he saw that Yabu had already crossed the road and was glaring at them with impatiently crossed arms. When the rest of the group noticed this, they all crossed the road to join him. 

“Oh for the love of…” Hikaru muttered and ran after them. He grabbed Inoo’s arm as he was reaching to open the door. “We can’t just walk in through the front door.”

“But the store is open and it’s unlocked.”

“We are climbing in through the window and you will _deal with it_ ,” Hikaru hissed. 

They took great pains to hoist each other through one of the windows on the side of the building. Surprisingly, they managed to be very quiet about it except for when Takaki lost his balance and knocked over a little stand designed to hold umbrellas. 

“Ah, my spleen,” he complained, holding his side while still lying on the floor. 

“What part of ‘with cat-like tread’ don’t you understand?” Hikaru asked in an angry whisper.

“Um, all of it?”

“Looks like no one’s here?” Yabu said, looking around for the employees who might have come to investigate the noise, but no one had shown up. “Time for donuts!” He began wrapping up the goods and stuffing them into the satchel he was carrying. 

Over by the cash register, Daiki was picking up what looked like business cards for the store. They were designed to be sparkly and flashy, almost like the image on the card jumped out at the person looking at it. 

“What are you doing?” Inoo asked him. 

“Yuto and I are making a scrapbook of our pirate adventures. I promised him I’d bring back some souvenirs for it.” 

Everything was going pretty well for their first plundering adventure until, of course, someone stuck his head through the back door. “Hey, what are you guys doing?” 

“Uh-oh.” 

“Quick, Hikaru, what’s our escape plan?” Yabu asked right before he shoved a donut into his mouth. 

Hikaru felt his face going pale as he realized that he hadn’t gotten as far as planning their escape yet because he’d been too busy trying to get everyone to follow his break-in plan. 

“Hey guys,” the guy called out over his shoulder to the other people in the back room. He looked very angry. “Some people are stealing all our donuts!” 

“Our escape plan is… run as fast as you can!” Hikaru yelled and all five of them ran out the front door. 

“Are we not doing that cat thing anymore?” Takaki asked, but no one bothered answering him because they were too focused on getting away with their donuts and lives intact.

As they ran down the street in the general direction of the docks, Hikaru glanced over his shoulder. All the donut shop employees were close on their heels. He felt a bit of panic as he realized the angry shopkeepers outnumbered them seven to five. 

“How are they keeping up?” Daiki gasped. “We had a head start.”

This time it was Inoo who glanced behind them for a status update. “They seem to have some kind of shoes with wheels on them.” 

“RUN FASTER!” Hikaru shouted. See, this was why they should have given him time to finish planning everything out. 

***

Arioka Daiki’s body ached all over. Even though the ship was safely out to sea and far away from the angry donut guys with strange rolling shoes, Daiki was still tired from all the running. 

“It certainly was an adventure,” Yabu told the rest of the crew as they listened eagerly for details. The whole crew was gathered on deck eating donuts. 

“These are really tasty,” Keito said as he picked up another one with rainbow sprinkles. “We’ll have to go back again.”

Hikaru scoffed. “Yeah, like that’ll be a good idea.” Nevertheless, he picked another chocolate one for himself. 

A loud squawk interrupted the conversation and everyone turned to look at Yamada. He had a bright red parrot perched on his shoulder. He also looked confused about why they were all staring at him.

“What?”

“Is your parrot going to keep doing that?” Inoo asked. 

Yamada tried to shrug but really couldn’t with the extra weight. “It’s just what he does. His name’s Murray by the way.”

“Idiots!” Murray the Parrot squawked.

“That’s all he knows how to say,” Yamada added.

Daiki could see Chinen avoiding the parrot as best as possible as he grabbed another donut. He knew Chinen didn’t like animals very much, so he guessed that Chinen was already plotting some way of getting rid of the new pet. Daiki, however, didn’t think he minded the parrot so much. He could feed the bird snacks that he didn’t want without having to make up an excuse to explain to Yamada why he didn’t want to eat his cooking. 

“Hey guys…” Yuto called out. “I think I see something.”

“How do you see _anything_ with that eyepatch?” Keito asked before taking a bite of his fifth rainbow sprinkle donut. 

Yuto huffed and handed the telescope to Daiki, who happened to be the closest person nearby. Yuto pointed in the direction of the horizon off the starboard bow and Daiki took a look. Sure enough, there was something.

“It’s a ship,” he said. 

“What kind of ship? Friend or foe?” Yabu asked. He brushed the floppy feather from his hat out of his eyes. Everyone was now looking in the direction of the mysterious ship, which seemed to be sailing closer to them.

The view through the telescope was a little clearer this time. Daiki blinked and did a double-take. That couldn’t be right.

“It looks like a Royal Navy ship,” Daiki began. “But I think it’s got a rainbow flag.” 

“No way!” Yabu exclaimed, looking startled. “The _HMS Arashi_?! The Navy’s flagship?!”

“OHNO SEMPAI!” Chinen shouted with excitement. He grinned and rushed to the railing to get a better view.

“Why are they all the way out here?” Takaki asked. He was at the helm, steering the ship, but he’d been eyeing the donuts for a while. Unfortunately, they were just out of his reach.

Daiki checked the telescope again and could definitely make out _HMS Arashi_ written in shiny gold letters on the side of the magnificent ship. The Arashi crew was comprised of some of the top ranked members of the Royal Navy. Generally, they showed up for ceremonial events and special occasions. They only rarely went out on missions anymore since the Navy had other crews available for those kinds of jobs. 

“Maybe they just want some donuts?” Yuto said. He flipped up his eyepatch so he could get a better look at the fast approaching ship. 

“I don’t think we should stay to find out what they want,” Daiki said. He handed the telescope back to Yuto. “Look at that.” He pointed to the cannons being set up along the side closest to their ship. 

The ship was now close enough that they could see someone standing on deck with some sort of cone to amplify sound. 

“This is Sakurai Sho of the _HMS Arashi_. You are under arrest for acts of piracy. If you surrender, nobody gets hurt.” 

“Oh goody,” Yabu said as he clapped his hands together. “We’ve got the attention of the Navy. We’re real pirates now! My plan is working!” 

“We’ve also got the attention of their cannons,” Hikaru added. “Takaki, move the ship away as fast as you can.” 

Takaki paused mid-motion as he strained to reach for one of the donuts without letting go of the wheel. He looked annoyed but followed the order. Daiki and Inoo jumped into action and each grabbed the ropes to adjust the sails. It looked like they were going to get lucky enough to outrun the _Arashi_ this time. The wind was in their favor.

“We’re leaving?” Chinen looked disappointed. 

“Of course we’re leaving,” Yabu said. “Pirates don’t just _surrender_ to the Navy! We don’t play by the rules! We’re adults now, you know. This is how they’ll learn to take us seriously.” 

Chinen ignored him and leaned over the railing as they sailed further away from the _Arashi_. He cupped his hands by his mouth and shouted “NOTICE ME, SEMPAI.” 

“I think they’ve already noticed us,” Daiki pointed out. 

“Idiots,” Murray the Parrot squawked again.

“Your opinion is duly noted, Mr. Murray,” Yabu said seriously to the parrot.

***

Once Okamoto Keito had helped successfully navigate the ship to a different island far away from the _Arashi_ , he breathed a sigh of relief. Takaki did the same as soon as they docked the ship and let go of the wheel. He immediately stuffed a donut in his mouth.

“Everything is going extremely well so far,” Yabu said. Keito thought he looked entirely too cheerful about almost being blasted to smithereens by the _Arashi_ ’s cannons. “I think the next step in Operation: Become Pirates is to repeat the last step again.” 

“We’re gonna go steal more donuts?” Yuto asked hopefully. The donut stash was already getting dangerously low. 

“It doesn’t have to be donuts,” Yabu clarified. “Any sort of baked good will do.” 

“I’m sure there’s a bakery in town. There’s always a bakery in town,” Yamada said. “We could check that out.” By this point, Keito was sure Yamada had just given up on trying to cook anything for the rest of the crew.

Yabu nodded in agreement while Hikaru sneakily started hiding away his favorite donuts when he thought no one was looking. “Yes,” Yabu said. “The rest of you can go experience true pirate plundering this time. We’ll stay with the ship.” 

Yuto hollered with joy and waved his sword around dangerously. Chinen was, thankfully, short enough to duck under the weapon as it swung towards his head. Keito sighed.

“I’ll hold that for you,” Keito said, taking the sword away. It was much safer for everyone this way. It’s not like they wanted Yamada to have to pull out his first aid kit again. Not after the last time when Yamada’s doctoring had left Inoo with more splinters in his finger than the one he had been trying to remove. Yuto pouted for a bit until Chinen gave him a tiny pirate flag to wave around instead.

Yamada took Murray the Parrot off of his shoulder and placed the bird on the railing. “Stay here while I’m gone and take care of the ship.”

“Idiots!” Murray squawked.

Yamada nodded. “Yes, that’s why you need to stay here. To take care of the idiots.”

Keito could see Chinen and Inoo share a look before Inoo continued glaring at the parrot from across the deck. He thought Yamada would be lucky to find even a few red feathers left when he returned to the ship. 

So the four of them—Keito, Yuto, Yamada, and Chinen—set out in search of the bakery. After Chinen had accidentally led them in the wrong direction twice, they finally found it. 

“Chankapanya?” Keito read the sign out loud. “What does that even mean?” 

“It’s better if we just not ask questions,” Yamada said because he clearly didn’t know either. He drew his sword and looked determined. “Okay, guys. Let’s do this.” With his best pirate yell, Yamada tried to kick the door open. Only he discovered that the door opened outwards.

Keito sighed once more and just politely opened the door for all of them. They rushed inside one by one and tried to look as terrifying as possible.

“Avast!” Chinen shouted.

“Shiver me timbers!” Yamada yelled.

“Scurvy!” Yuto added, having run of out pirate expressions to shout. He waved their pirate flag around with menace. 

“Hello?” Keito said after all the shouting. The shopkeepers were staring at them like they were crazy people. Although Keito supposed that was probably a relatively accurate assessment. 

“Welcome to Chankapanya!” the tall guy by the cash register said cheerfully after he regained his composure. “I’m Koyama. How can I help you?” 

Chinen picked up some tasty-looking pastries. “We came to steal all your food because we’re pirates,” he explained calmly, as though he might as well have been giving the weather report. 

“That explains all the feathers,” another guy behind the counter muttered. 

“Don’t mind Shige,” Koyama said. “He’s just jealous of your hats.”

It was true. The four of them _did_ have some really excellent feathery hats from the Kinki Kostume shop. Who could say no to a feathery hat?

“Did somebody say feathers?” another head poked out from the kitchen doorway. 

“That’s Tegoshi,” Koyama continued his introductions. 

“Oh pirates!” Tegoshi exclaimed with excitement as he caught a glimpse of Yuto’s flag. “I love pirates! And I love your hats!” He turned to call over his shoulder. “Massu! Come here! We’re getting robbed by pirates.”

A fourth guy stepped into the room. He was sporting reddish hair and a huge smile. “This is exciting! Have you tried my cupcakes?” He pulled out a tray of cupcakes decorated with cute smiley faces. 

“Ooh!” Yuto picked one up. 

“We don’t have time to test the goods before we take them,” Yamada scolded him.

Yuto shook his head. “No, I definitely think we have to test them all,” he said with a mouth half full of cupcake. 

Koyama was beaming like a proud mother, which Keito thought was kind of concerning, but he guessed Koyama was just the kind of person who was nice to everyone. Even if they were robbing him.

“I’ll get you some to-go containers,” Koyama said, pulling out some boxes. Shige had thrown his hands up in exasperation and disappeared to the kitchen. 

Accepting a box of chocolate chip muffins from Koyama, Keito said a polite thank you. When he turned around, he noticed another person sitting at a table in the corner of the shop. The guy seemed rather unconcerned about what he was witnessing. “…Hi?” Keito squeaked out as the mysterious man’s piercing eyes met his own.

“Hi,” he answered back.

“That’s Yamapi,” Tegoshi explained with a wave of his hand. “He used to work here until he left to open his own bakery.”

“All of the pastries at his bakery are decorated in pink,” Massu added. 

“It’s his color,” Shige shouted from somewhere in the back. 

“Sometimes I come to visit and eat cinnamon buns,” Yamapi said. He continued casually watching everyone between bites of his tasty treat. “This is exciting.” 

“We had another employee too,” Tegoshi explained, “but he left to go continue his adventures with a crew of Kraken Hunters.”

“Oh, we’ve been warned about the Kraken Hunters,” Yamada said. 

“We like them but they’re kinda weird,” Massu told them. 

“Have you boys got some of everything?” Koyama asked as he handed the pirates a few more to-go boxes full of different kinds of pastries. 

Keito nodded. “Yes, thank you—”

He was cut off by Yuto exclaiming “We’re not boys! We’re adults! I know it’s easy to get confused because Yamada and Chinen are so short. Ouch!”

Yamada had kicked Yuto for the crack about his height. “You’re just freakishly tall.”

“Shouldn’t adults be more health-conscious and not eat so many sweets?” Massu mused out loud. Somewhere during all the commotion, he had put on a chef’s hat in preparation for more baking since Koyama was giving away all their goods. 

“We should probably be heading back to our ship,” Keito said. “Thanks again.” 

“Come back anytime! Bring your friends!” Koyama said. He gave them a friendly wave as they were heading out the door. 

“It’s not free next time!” Shige shouted again from the back room. 

“Well that was pleasant,” Chinen said when they were back out on the road again. “I don’t know why the other guys said they had so much trouble with the last place.” 

Keito thought, perhaps, it might have something to do with normal people not appreciating being robbed, but he kept that thought to himself. 

The four of them were halfway back to the ship (having taken only one wrong turn this time) when they came across a vegetable stand set up by the side of the road. The words were written plainly on a sign above the owner’s head: _Ikuta Toma’s Cabbages_. 

“Can I interest you boys in some cabbages?” the man asked. He smiled and gestured to his food display.

They all stopped and stared. And then Yuto grabbed three of the cabbages from the cart. He inspected them carefully for a few moments and then looked seriously at Toma. “Healthiness is for losers. We’re pirates!” he shouted with undeniable enthusiasm. And then he kicked the cabbages into the air like they were some sort of sports ball. 

“My cabbages!!” Toma wailed in despair as the vegetables sailed through the air and out of sight. 

“Well, perhaps now we should run,” Keito said, and they all took off away from the angry cabbage merchant as fast as their legs could take them. 

***

To be quite honest, Yamada Ryosuke didn’t really want to be a pirate. Sure, he enjoyed his new pet parrot, but there were downsides too. Yabu had declared that pirates were “rough and tough” and didn’t need to do “silly things like bathing” anymore. And Yamada did _not_ like that idea, especially not after he’d just made a whole batch of rose-scented soap a few days ago. So as soon as he returned to the ship from the bakery raid, he’d gone straight for his cabin to wash his face because he’d gotten all sweaty earlier. (Well, first he’d climbed up the crow’s nest to retrieve Murray who’d been chased up there by Inoo for some reason. But after that, Yamada went straight to his cabin.)

When he returned to deck sometime later, he realized the ship was now out in deep waters. It was much further out than they usually went.

“Why are we all the way out here?” he asked.

“ _Some people_ got distracted while navigating the ship,” Hikaru answered. He had his arms crossed and was tapping his foot impatiently while glaring at Takaki and Keito. 

Takaki just ignored Hikaru’s annoyance. 

“We were eating some stuff from the bakery,” Keito added.

Takaki nodded. “They were some damn good scones.” He held one out for Yamada to try. 

Before Yamada could fully appreciate the delicious treat, the whole crew was distracted when Yuto spotted another ship on the horizon. The commotion startled Murray the Parrot who squawked in Yamada’s ear and then flew up to perch on the crow’s nest again. 

“Who is it?” Chinen asked. He was hoping it was the _Arashi_ again. 

“I don’t know,” Yabu answered.

The side of the approaching ship had the name _Eito_ emblazoned in bright bold letters. The crew onboard was standing on deck and giving them friendly waves. As they got closer, Yamada could see that they were all dressed in jumpsuits, each of a different color. 

“Greetings, fellow sailors!” the one in blue shouted when the ships were close enough together. 

“We’re pirates,” Yabu clarified.

“Well, we don’t judge,” the bright orange-clad one shouted cheerfully.

“Let’s go over and say hi,” Inoo suggested. “We can give them one of the boxes of apple pastries from the bakery.” 

“Why would we do that?”

“Because no one wants to eat the healthy-ish stuff,” Inoo said, and Yuto nodded vigorously in agreement.

“…I did,” Yamada said quietly, but no one was listening.

The crew of the _Eito_ seemed friendly enough, so they all decided to follow Inoo’s plan. Yamada looked around as soon as they stepped onto the ship’s deck. Even though the colored jumpsuits looked kinda tacky, the ship itself looked relatively clean, which was a good sign, he thought. 

“So what do you guys do all the way out here?” he asked the one in black who’d introduced himself as Yokoyama.

“We’re Kraken Hunters,” he answered as he waved his fingers with an air of mystery. “It’s very serious work.”

“…oh,” Yamada said, trying to keep the smile on his face from faltering. These must have been the guys that everyone warned them about. They didn’t seem so bad though. They’d happily accepted the apple pastries after all. (Ryo, the yellow jumpsuited one, had apparently been the one who used to work at Chankapanya.)

Despite the warnings, the crew of the JUMP was kind of curious about them. “How exactly do you look for a mythological creature like a Kraken anyway?” Yabu asked.

“Generally, we just take turns standing on the bow and shouting _HEY KRAKEN_ real loud,” Yokoyama continued.

“Really, that’s it?”

“To be honest, there was a time we dabbled in Cthulhu hunting, but none of us could agree on the pronunciation of Cthulhu.”

“Fair enough.” Yabu nodded sagely.

Yamada definitely thought these guys were weird. “But what would you guys do if you actually caught a Kraken?” he asked.

Okura, the green-clad one, spoke up. “We’re thinking about frying it up. I have this great recipe for tartar sauce and—”

“We’re not eating it,” Ryo interrupted, wrinkling his nose in disgust. 

“Just because you don’t like seafood, doesn’t mean the rest of us have to miss out on some excellent calamari,” Murakami, the purple one, said. 

Daiki nodded in agreement, and Yamada resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He was beginning to wonder whether he should have brought Murray the Parrot along with him.

“Have you ever actually seen a Kraken before?” Hikaru asked. 

The crew of the Eito simultaneously turned to look at the one in red, sitting silently by the bow of the ship. “Subaru has,” Maruyama (the orange one) said in a quiet reverent tone. 

“It was a dark and stormy night,” Subaru began. His piercing dark eyes looked out over the wide ocean. “I was in a small fishing boat when the water got very choppy and rough, even more than normal for a storm. I leaned over the edge of the boat to figure out what was going on, and I saw these monstrous tentacles right underneath the surface. Larger than my entire boat probably.” Everyone leaned in closer, wrapped up in Subaru’s tale. “And then, all of a sudden, one tentacle sprang out of the water and…” he trailed off and clenched his fist in anger. Everyone held their breath in anticipation. “…It stole my hat.”

“Wait, what?” Yamada asked.

“The bastard swam away with my hat,” Subaru explained.

“That’s it?” Yamada asked again.

Subaru frowned, still looking upset from reliving the experience again. “It was my favorite hat.” 

“So… you want the hat back?” Yuto asked. He scratched his head and exchanged a confused shrug with Takaki. 

“I want revenge!” Subaru exclaimed. He gripped the ship’s railing as he continued to scan the ocean waves for any sign of the Kraken.

“For a hat?” Yamada asked once more.

“It was vintage.”

“Oh,” Yamada nodded, finally understanding. “Fair enough.”

Subaru leaned over the bow of the ship and shouted “HEY KRAKEN” really loudly. The crew of the _JUMP_ held their breath, hoping the creature wouldn’t surface while they were nearby. Yamada was not exactly fond of tentacles.

“So what would mature adults such as ourselves do at a time like this?” Chinen whispered to the group while the Kraken Hunters were distracted looking for any sign of the fearsome monster that might not have been so mythical after all.

“…Offer to help?” Yuto said, looking uneasy about the situation.

Yabu looked offended. “Of course not,” he whispered back. “We offer our sympathies, say a few nice words, and then run like hell.” 

“Good luck with the hunt!” Yamada called out over his shoulder as the whole crew jumped back over to their ship and sailed away. 

***

Nakajima Yuto was actually quite pleased with himself. Despite Chinen’s warning about the loss of depth perception with his eyepatch, Yuto had only accidentally run into three things since he had been wearing the sparkly eye covering. (And he suspected that during the second time, Hikaru had stuck that barrel in the way on purpose, so that really couldn’t be considered Yuto’s fault anyway.) So as they sailed away from the Kraken Hunters, Yuto spent a lot of time with his telescope pointed down at the waves, searching for any sign of the terrifying creature. As such, Yuto completely failed to notice the ship that was heading straight for them until it was right beside the _JUMP_. 

“Avast! Ship ahoy!” Yuto yelled when he finally looked up and noticed the other ship. It was the _Arashi_ again, rainbow flag and all. The rest of the crew looked up from the pastries and were surprised to see the ship so close. 

“Can’t you just say _there’s a ship_ like a normal person?” Hikaru asked.

“But we’re pirates!” Yuto pouted. 

“Crap! Why didn’t you tell us about the ship sooner?” Yabu asked. His eyes widened as he saw the _Arashi_ ’s cannons appear again. The Navy had finally caught up with them and there was no escaping this time.

Yuto pointed to his eyepatch. “Because I’ve only got one good eye?” He hoped that excuse would work. 

“It’s not like we don’t know you have another perfectly okay eye under there, you know,” Yamada said, ruining that theory. 

Keito looked upset. “We’re gonna get court-martialed.”

“Maybe they’ll make us walk the plank like real pirates,” Takaki suggested.

“Or just maroon us on a deserted island,” Inoo added.

Daiki nodded. “Well, if that happens, at least we have Chinen.”

Chinen, however, was staring with excitement at the other ship with his hands clasped together. “Maybe they’ll sing for us,” he said dreamily.

“Chinen will be completely useless,” Hikaru said. 

“Hi!” Yabu called out to the other ship and gave them a friendly wave to mask their anxiety. “Please don’t shoot us. We have cupcakes!”

“We’re coming aboard,” Sakurai Sho announced. Not long after that, all five of the _Arashi_ crew was standing on deck. Yuto had never met the famous crew of the _Arashi_ before, but he’d heard lots of rumors (mostly from Chinen) about how awesome they were. As they were standing in front of him, however, Yuto’s only thought was that they were shorter in person than he’d imagined. But maybe that’s because Yuto could only see with one eye at the time. 

Sho cleared his throat to make an announcement. “The crew of the _HMS JUMP_ has been charged with…” he trailed off for a moment. “Who has the paper?” Ninomiya shrugged and Aiba checked his pockets. Then Aiba pulled out a long list from his coat and handed it to Sho, who continued. “The crew of the _HMS JUMP_ has been charged with treason against the Royal Navy including, but not limited to, inappropriate use of Navy funds, acts of piracy against two bakeries, and property damage to a cabbage merchant’s cabbages.”

“What cabbage merchant?” Hikaru asked and looked over at the younger crew members. They, in turn, all looked at Yuto.

“Oh, um… oops?” 

Yabu raised his arms and attempted to look sheepish. “We’re sorry?”

“Long story short, you guys are in big trouble,” Matsujun summed up before Sho could continue reading from the paper. 

“Why’d the Navy send you guys anyway?” Takaki asked and then immediately winced when Inoo stepped on his foot for opening his big mouth. 

“We volunteered,” Ohno answered. He inched away slowly from Chinen who had the creepiest grin on his face.

“Truthfully, we were a little bored with all the fancy events and endless amounts of paperwork to fill out,” Nino explained. “You can break a bottle of champagne at a ship’s christening only so many times before it gets dull. It’s a waste of good alcohol really.” 

“This has been much more exciting!” Aiba exclaimed. “Can I have one of those chocolate muffins?” Keito handed him the box.

“You know…” Yabu began. He had that sly look he always had on his face whenever he tricked someone into doing his work. “If you capture us now, you’ll just have to go back to all those boring events again. You know what I’m saying?” 

“You’re asking us to turn a blind eye on the problem?” Sho countered.

Yuto was startled when Yabu grabbed his arm and poked his eyepatch. “Just pretend you’re wearing an eyepatch too.”

Matsujun scowled at the bedazzled fabric. “Not exactly my style.” But the crew gathered together and discussed the option anyway. After a few minutes, they nodded and turned back to announce their decision. “We’ll let you go only so we can keep chasing you across the seas. This is more like vacation for us anyway. Ohno said he wanted to go fishing anyway.” 

Yuto cheered along with the rest of the crew, and he grabbed Chinen by the collar so that he didn’t tackle Ohno in a fit of joy. Trying to contain himself, Chinen held out his hand for a fist bump instead. Ohno looked at him like he was crazy for a few moments before hesitantly connecting with his own fist. Chinen grinned and looked like he was going to faint from happiness. 

“Now we’re going to turn our backs as you guys run away,” Sho said as they made their way back to their ship. “And we’re taking this box of chocolate muffins with us.” 

“See you later, sempai!” Chinen shouted and waved after them.

“Well then, Yuto,” Yabu said. “Pick us out a good direction to go in.” 

Yuto grinned. “Aye aye, Captain!” He turned around, telescope in hand, and walked straight into the ship’s mast. He bounced off and landed heavily on the deck. 

“You really don’t have any depth perception, do you?” Inoo said, standing over top of him. 

Yuto remained lying down on the deck. “Oh, just pick a course for anywhere. By now, I think we’re pretty good at running away.” 

*** 

All things considered, Chinen Yuri thought the crew of the _HMS JUMP_ was well-suited to the pirate life. It had taken some getting used to, but Operation: Become Pirates had been quite the success. (And he had even gotten to see Ohno-sempai in the process!!) 

“I think the only thing we have left to do is go back to step one: decide on a name for the ship,” Yabu said. They had all gathered in his cabin again for a group meeting. Chinen had settled down in Yamada’s lap this time, and he looked annoyed that he couldn’t manage to push him off. 

“What’s wrong with just _JUMP_ after we remove the _HMS_ part?” Keito asked. 

“It’s not pirate-y enough.” 

“Idiots!” Murray the Parrot squawked. He was perched on top of Inoo’s head, much to his dismay. Chinen was still thinking of a good plan to get rid of the bird somehow.

“That’s not a good name either, Mr. Murray,” Yabu answered. Hikaru rolled his eyes. 

Daiki took the opportunity to speak up. “How about the _JOLLY JUMP_?” 

“I like the alliteration,” Yabu said, nodding.

“That sounds like a disease,” Takaki whispered to Keito who just shrugged. 

But since nobody had any better ideas, the vote was unanimous. They all celebrated together for a while until Takaki remembered that he was supposed to be steering the ship again. But they were all in a good mood, so everyone followed him onto deck. 

“So the adventure continues!” Yabu said, spreading his arms wide. “Our adventure as adults! And as pirates! Adult pirates!”

Yuto got extra excited and crowed loudly. 

Yabu pointed at Yuto. “No, don’t you dare attract a flock of crows to the ship again.” 

“So where are we going next?” Yamada asked. 

“I’ve heard about this cool combination shop on a nearby island called _Tackle and Kielbasa_. They sell fishing gear and Polish sausages. We could check that out,” Daiki suggested. 

“I like that plan,” Yabu said. “Daiki… go do whatever it is you do on this ship.” 

Daiki looked confused and slightly offended.

“You still don’t remember?” Hikaru asked.

“Am I going to have to guess?” Yabu asked.

Daiki sighed. “I adjust the rigging.”

Yabu blinked. “That’s it? What does that even mean?”

Now, Hikaru was the one who sighed. “Why are you even the captain?”

“The rigging!” Daiki exclaimed. He pointed to all the ropes to adjust the sails. “I just adjust the rigging.”

“Well then,” Yabu said, waving his hands. “Go on. We’ve got places to go and people to plunder. And I think we’re beginning to run low on snack food.” 

Chinen watched as the crew of the _JOLLY JUMP_ ran around, getting things ready as they sailed onwards to their next destination. He leaned back against the railing and crossed his arms against his chest. He smirked.

“Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate’s life for us.”


End file.
